Jim Jefferies (Australian Comedian) said, “You can not change the second amendment. I am like yes you can. It is called an amendment. If you can’t change something called an amendment… See, many of you need a thesaurus. If you don’t know what a thesaurus, get a dictionary and work your way forward. Don’t think your constitution is set in stone. You have changed things before. You used to have prohibition in there. Right? Then people were like ‘hey who likes getting fucked up? I like getting fucked up too. Let’s get that one out.’ You used to have this other thing in America called slavery.”



Fireman decided to go through unmarked CD’s we have and I’m currently on pins and needles. Luckily, so far, its been pretty innocent, but there was one of New Year’s with an ex and I had an anxiety attack and made him eject (the CD that is) immediately because I feared the unknown.

Why didn’t I just keep that shit on my computer?!?!

I should add that they’re not all mine. We have no idea who’s who’s and what’s on any of them. #Trust

Religious Liberty

Let me preface this post by saying that ignorant, hate filed, derogatory, defamatory, idiotic comments will not only not see the light of day on here, it will affect me none! Your name will not be remembered. Your comment won’t be read past the first few words, so forget about it. Intellectual conversation and having a normal, non argumentative conversation is perfectly fine and accepted. I suggest you read the entire thing too before you react. Twice if you need to make sure you understand. Ok trolls? Let’s go….

Did you know that there are approximately 20 different major religions in the world, many more less-major religions and around 34,000 separate Christian groups?  That’s pretty diverse and a lot of different view points.  And luckily, in the U.S. we’re supposed to be free to practice and believe whatever faith we choose if we choose to practice at all.  So, for one group of people to impose their beliefs on an entire nation and to try to make them follow laws that go along with that belief and the “Best selling novel of all time”, a book that has been rewritten several times, is scary and creepy, if you ask me.

How would those people like it if people of the Islamic faith, the second most popular religion in the world followed by Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheists and Sikhism, did what this group of Christians (I am not categorizing all Christians in this group, by the way, because there are millions of Christians out there who believe in marriage equality and many other things, even the Pope) is trying to do to the rest of the nation?  They would not like it one bit and it would be really ugly and they’d probably start a war over it.  In fact, religion has a lot to do with why we’re involved with I.S.I.S. right now.  Look at what those people are doing to people who don’t follow their same beliefs. They’re murdering people, taking over cities, taking education away from women…..and trying to make their entire country follow them if not by choice, by force.  Don’t get me wrong, they’re WAY more extreme than what’s going on here, but the idea of it is not much different to me.  I think that certain group of people should think of it that way.  How would you like it if a religion that you did not believe in wanted to make laws that take some of your civil liberties and civil rights away?  To take away certain medical procedures because they didn’t agree with it? You wouldn’t want me to force my views on you or make a law that says men and women can’t marry each other, would you? Or say that if you couldn’t get pregnant on your own, any unnatural means of conceiving a child is unlawful, would you?  You definitely don’t want I.S.I.S. to come here and force their B.S. on us and do what they’re doing over seas in America. So you shouldn’t do anything in close relation to your own country. I don’t care what you believe in; that’s your prerogative and if it makes you happy, excellent. If you don’t agree with someone, that’s perfectly fine and you have every right not to agree with it, but don’t force your views and make it a law.  I certainly don’t agree with the GOP or tea party goers (obviously), but I’m not going to sit there and argue with them and say hey, “This is what I believe and now you have to follow laws that go along with my beliefs because this book I read says so. And if you don’t like it you could get arrested or be denied certain rights.”  If you feel so strongly about it, don’t marry a gay couple or perform an abortion, or whatever, but there should be someone who will allow those things right down the road and not be persecuted for it.  You cannot just take those things away completely from everyone.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: There’s a reason for separation between church and state for a very good reason.  Not everyone believes the same things and that is why we have a group of people from different backgrounds to make those decisions. Decisions based on the good of EVERYONE.  One specific religious group has no right to tell others how to live nor take away their ability to marry some that they love and make that commitment or take away anything else from them for that matter.  So if 2 people, be it a man and woman, 2 men, 2 women, a black person and white person, a mixed race person and a Latino person, or whatever combination of consenting adults  you can think of want to be in a legally binding commitment together they should be able to do so.  And certain Fox News people want to now ask, is Polygamy going to be next?  Well in my opinion, if a group of people (as fucked up as I may view it) want to marry each other, so be it.  If it makes you happy, fine. Be a giant dysfunctional family. As long as it’s between humans and consenting adults, I’m OK with it.  It has no bearing on my life whatsoever as long as they don’t try to force me to live and believe the same way as them.

FREEDOM, the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. The absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action.  Liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another. (Note: there’s nothing in the definition of freedom that says you can only marry who a government says you can marry or can only live by a Bible that you may not follow or believe in.)

And that’s my opinion for today.


An Open Letter To Bristol Palin

I know you said you, “didn’t want any lectures”, but tough shit!  Is the taste of your own medicine a bit bitter? Or like really salty cum?  Because it should.  You’re a martyr.  You’re the poster child of hypocrisy.

You’ve made money spouting off abstinence to young people.  You said that after having your son that you would abstain from sex again until marriage.  You would have covered your lie had your recent relationship not fallen apart. Luckily, karmic retribution won again as that bitch always does.  I’ll refrain from giving you hell for dating and committing adultery with a married man, as it appears you didn’t know he was married.  So I’ll spare you that.  He’s an asshole and I’ll give you that. But you have to see the irony in all of this. You should also probably start dating different men.

But let’s keep going with all the hypocrisy, because, damn girl.  You fucked up really bad, got caught and basically everything you’ve been spouting off for years is a complete lie and everyone knows it.  No one will ever listen to your opinion ever again. No one will ever trust you again.  Not in the public eye anyway. I seriously can’t wait to hear what your mom says about of all of this.  I would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall when she found out.  Perhaps you should keep your mouth shut?  Perhaps you should stop with all the judgmental bullshit?  Perhaps you should think of opening your mind up just a smidge?  No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but blatantly going out and doing the exact opposite of what you tell the world you “believe” is insanity.  Clearly you don’t believe anything you’ve been saying or think for some magical reason you’re exempt.

No one sounds more depressed to be pregnant than you and I feel sorry for you.

I will say this: Nothing that has happened to you didn’t already happen to millions of other women before, so you’re not alone. It’s just that the majority didn’t tell a nation to stay abstinent like you did. That’s the problem. And I know you know this.

Good luck and consider therapy.

P.S. I just heard you deleted your sad blog post and replaced it with one saying you planned it. Well now we all know how your mom found out you got knocked up and how she told you to handle the situation. You’re not fooling anyone! Congratulations, you can add pathological liar to your ever growing list of “fine” qualities.

It Started So Well

So, every now and again I go to a thing to meet new people and possibly make a friend with similar interests. Today I did a group walk what-have-you at a park.  It was nice to get out and talk to people and get some much-needed exercise.  Then, at the end of it, the one small group of people who new each other were talking and one girl (I say girl because after this comment I didn’t view her as a woman anymore) said to a 2 year old girl, “Uncle ‘So And So’ is gay, isn’t he?  Say ‘Uncle So And So’ is gay!  We love our uncle So And So, but we like to make fun of him and get her to say he’s gay.”  Wait, what?  Did she really just say that?  Did she really just teach an innocent child, who was born with no prejudice or hate in her (because that shit is taught), to call someone a derogatory name for fun? What. The. Fuck.  I honestly didn’t know what to say. These were highly educated people too, not some thugs.  I was essentially the stranger in the group that was left and I didn’t want to start an argument, especially in front of children, so I politely excused myself and took my son to the playground.  The mother and little girl went too and the rest kept walking.  I didn’t say anything to her either.  Maybe I should have?  Then again If she’s OK with her child growing up to learn that it’s alright, and simply a social norm, to make fun of people like that, that’s her prerogative I guess.  I wouldn’t want anyone telling me how to raise my child, so I won’t crack that egg open on her. I’ll just keep raising a respectful man and go about my business.

But, honestly, what’s the best way to react to a situation like that?  I really don’t know.  Now if I saw her actually saying something like that to someone and was literally putting someone down I’d be inclined to help stand up for that person, but this was different.

Just like with a toddler, I guess you just have to choose your battles.


Wow! There are certainly a lot of trolls on here who did not like the fact that I am happy that gay people are now allowed to marry all over the U.S. Your comments were immediately deleted (not approved by me in the first place, anyway) and I didn’t bother looking at nor remembering your name if I did happen to glance at it. I hope one day you find peace. A hateful heart is a broken heart.

It’s funny, no one commented on my South Carolina rant, but the one about the LGBT community, they do. So, hating on gay people is fair game? No one will admit to being a racist because that’s considered shameful, but homophobia is ok? I hope one day discriminating against someone because of who they love will become just as  shameful as racism.  Hatred is hatred, people. They’re one and the same.

Some people really have a lot of anger in them and it is certainly not because of me.  It started way before they read anything I wrote. Writing about what you believe in, no matter what side you’re on, is one thing, but putting someone down or attacking someone directly is just uncalled for. Perhaps they should go back to the person who made them that way and deal with it or get some therapy to help get over it.

“The problem with other people’s opinion of you is their problem, not yours.” ~Anonymous


lgbt-american-pride-flag-us-shapeI’m not even gay and the news today, that everyone is now free to marry whomever they want, made me cry happy tears.

What kills me is that some members of the GOP want to piss all over this. They want to impose their views on everyone because they say it’s their right and they’re free do so. Yes, you are free to have your own opinion and you’re free to express those views, but you are not free to force those views and make it law. This country was built on immigrants and diversity and not everyone is a Christian. There’s a whole slew of religions. I mean for fucks sake there are a lot of versions of Christianity: Lutheran, Baptist, Catholic, Evangelical, Prodestant………..and they don’t all agree with each other. New King James, Old King James, some douchebag didn’t like what he read and changed it. Twice! No matter how much you try to learn, no one truly knows the real answer. All you can do is educate yourself and live the way you feel is best.

My way is try to understand people the best I can and try not to be to judge-y. I only discriminate against assholes and bitches. Not for any other reason at all. Your personality is what would make me discriminate against you and honestly, I would just feel sorry for you more than anything and keep my distance.

Maybe those tea party assholes should move to a remote island somewhere and live on an all straight, confederate flag flying, Nazi loving, non tax paying, gun-toting, birth control and abortion free, all white oasis. They’d all be dead in a year from killing each other.

There’s good reason we have separation between church and state and I am oh, so glad there is!

Also, consider this: Back in the 60’s the Supreme Court ruled in favor of interracial marriage and people/states wanted to argue that like they are about gay marriage today. I’m confident that one day soon we will all look back at this and not be able to fathom there not being a time when there wasn’t equal marriage rights. Love conquers all!


Fuck You, South Carolina

What happened in Charleston, South Carolina should have NEVER happened. Without getting into my views on gun control (on this post anyway), if you recall I use to live there. There are a lot of racist assholes there who literally fly a confederate flag on a pole in their front yard. They are racist even if they say they’re not. “Heritage, not hate.”, they say. You’re wrong! The confederate war was about people not wanting to give up their black slaves. Slaves they treated like shit and didn’t pay and murdered if they did something they didn’t like. They were nothing but objects, like a vacuum or a tractor to them, even the ones who “treated them properly” and let them live in their homes.

Here’s another take for you; I’m the second generation born in America from German and Serbian immigrants. What if I flew a Nazi flag at my house and said, “It’s heritage, not hate.”?  Would that be OK?  Then again the same ignorant morons who fly a confederate flag are the same ones who join the KKK, so that may not be the best example.

So, South Carolina and every single person who flies a confederate flag, FUCK YOU!  And if you feel so strongly about it, maybe the KKK is for you, but do us all a favor and stop hiding your faces and let us see you for who you really are.


One Day At A Time

So Fireman came home later on Sunday and we both apologized for our behavior and made amends. We ended up having a nice Father’s Day. Well he did and that’s the point of Father’s Day, right?

Since the one time I went to AA that allows children didn’t go well because 2 year olds should not be allowed in public, I joined an all women’s AA online. Talk about wonderful people from around the world! Its become my 24/7 AA in my pocket. I’m working on getting to more F2F meetings, but after my first experience I’d like to find an all women’s group because some poor examples of the male species are just creepy and the last thing I need on my quest for self-improvement is to be gawked at.

I will not lie to you all; after 2 days of sobriety I drank last night. No one knew or found out and nothing bad happened except the HUGE disappointed feeling in my heart. So today I started over hoping to make it 3 days this time, but for now I’m working on this minute. Thus, a lovely blog from your reformed serial dater and, let’s face it, kind of a whore, but men can be whores too so fuck it!

Tomorrow I have a hair cut and pedicure booked thanks to my lovely new babysitter. And, Fireman goes back to a first shift schedule next week! Him working third shift was just awful! The loneliness of living in a new area and feeling trapped if I can’t get a sitter was literally killing my soul. This will allow me to go to AA meetings and surely there is an all women’s group somewhere in this large metropolitan area in which I live. Babysitters need to be for date night, not because mommy has a drinking problem. Fireman and I need to ensure we have a healthy relationship and that includes a child free dinner and a movie once in a blue moon.

I feel the need to mention that I did not drink while pregnant.  Well, I stopped as soon as I found out and I was 5 weeks into it when I did.  I told my doctor that and she informed me that that was OK as long as I didn’t drink anymore, which, as I just said, I didn’t. Back then I went out 3-4 times a week and was a social slut so I wasn’t downing almost a fifth everyday or anything, however I was an alcoholic for a long time and didn’t really realize it.  It was a few months after my son was born and I gave up on breast-feeding that it slowly crept back.  My son is a perfectly healthy, rambunctious, little weirdo who likes slimy, gross things, rough housing and Sponge Bob like most little boys.  I’m determined to make it years (forever) sober before he figures out what’s going on.  I would die inside if he knew or if something bad happened to either of us.  I do stay indoors when I drink.  I buy it on my way hope and sip on it (Cheap Vodka.  It use to be wine, but eventually that wasn’t enough.) until he goes to bed and then I crank it up.  Any alcoholic knows that we can function while drinking until we hit “that point” and my point comes about an hour after he goes to sleep.

So now you know and I feel better for it.

Long Time, No Type

I just felt like touching base.  I need to write more.  I need to do a lot of things more, except drink.  I see my therapist online every other week via video chat.  I find the more I try not to drink, the more I rationalize away reasons to drink.  That’s madness.  Starting today I’m full-fledged into my homework she gives me.  I did it before, but not like I should have.  I  have notes all over my house that I put up this morning and I keep my journal with me in the car with a relapse prevention list, but I didn’t look at it enough. That will change too.  For whatever fucked up reason I had concocted in my head I drank yesterday and pissed Fireman off by doing so.  Rightfully so.  So I got up in the middle of the night and he was gone.  All his stuff and his car is here and after talking to him I find out that he’s drunk.  He’s stayed sober for a while, for me.  I fucked that up.  I’m assuming he’s at a neighbor’s house.  He works 3rd shift so I know he’s sleeping and will have to wait until I can talk to or see him.  The amount of self-hatred I have is huge.  I’ve come to the realization that instead of trying not to think of drinking I need to think about not drinking all day, every day.  Cleary what I’ve been trying to do has not been working well enough.  So, even if it’s just a sentence I will get on here and write as much as possible.  I don’t do Facebook anymore. I feel better for it.  However, I need an outlet for my thoughts and since I’m fairy anonymous on here I feel comfortable just saying whatever I feel.  And luckily, no one has ever said anything negative to me on here and I appreciate that.

I knew having a child changed your life, but I had no idea that despite the enormous love I have for that child, I ended up not liking myself anymore.  It’s like all my love left me and went all into him. I don’t take care of myself like I should.  I don’t shave enough or groom my own nails enough.  I don’t clean up my place like I need to.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s cleaned up now, but I’ll go weeks without cleaning my own bathroom.  Part of it is I know with a toddler having a completely clean home is damn near impossible. And I don’t let it get into unhealthy or anything like that.  I have severe anxiety and it’s starting to consume me.  Maybe I should be on medication.  I take Naltrexone, a drug that’s supposed to reduce alcohol cravings, but I think I need a higher dose.  I’m smart enough to know better, but my “Give a Shit” has left me when it comes to myself and I don’t know exactly when that happened or why or how, but it did and I really want it back.

*UPDATE Fireman crashed at a neighbor/co-workers house and drank with him while the guy’s wife babysat them. Cheating is no worry of mine with him. For whatever reason, despite my flaws the man loves me. I just wish I’d remember that more often on my bad days.


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